Sweet Dreams

Last night was a first. Not the first time that I've dreamed of toilets and bathrooms, but the first time I dreamed about *blogging* about toilets and bathrooms. So I'm going to write about it.

As I remember, in the dream, I found myself waiting in line multiple times in a ladies' room. Once it was at a wedding reception, and once at - I don't know what it was, I forget. Somewhere where there were a lot of people. Anyway, in both cases, I was waiting for inordinately long periods of time while groups of four or five girls would hang out and talk and put on makeup and check email on their phones all in one stall, while I was waiting there having to pee. I could see all this because there wasn't really a door on the stall, just kind of a curtain thingy. Plus, it was really just obvious.

So, for one of these (the wedding reception, I believe), I went in and told them what was up. I said that they had to actually pee, or clear out. And so they did. It was great. Badass bathroom confrontation.

And after that (in my dream), I thought to myself, "I really have to blog about this," i.e. the women in the stalls using their phones and whatnot. So here I am. I'm blogging about it. Except that it didn't happen in a real restroom that I can remember. But it might...

Sign Me Up!

This week's post was submitted by Agent KGB in Boston. It's a post from Interbent that features "Humorous and Unclear Toilet Signs and Directions." Like the one above. The list reminds me of this one I saw in a bathroom in San Francisco early last spring.

There are also some Dada-ist looking signs, some highly suggestive, some alien-friendly, some, apparently, just for fun, and I really like the generic guy-on-toilet-seat-with-laptop - in a red circle with a slash mark through it, of course. And don't forget the Extreme Pizza bathroom for the "Extreme costumer only." So I'm guessing they only allow people who make or wear costumes in there...

Restaurant Bathrooms

Blog posts like this one in the San Francisco Chronicle are all about why the Toilet Paper blog got started in the first place. Okay, well, sort of. Maybe it got started because I was blogging about toilet paper in France. Hey, I'm not the only person who noticed that the French like pink toilet paper! (If you click the link and watch the video, skip to minute 1:40, and note that pink TP is at the top of his list)

But before there was French toilet paper, there were many, many experiences in restaurants, bars, etc., both foreign and domestic, and what this Chronicle writer says is true; whether or not the status of the bathroom is an actual indicator of the kitchen's cleanliness, it certainly does say something about the level of respect the restaurant owner has for his or her patrons.

On the other hand, if the wrap stand in a back alley in Germany has awesome doeners and the staff are friendly, I'm happy if they have a bathroom AT ALL. Then again, it being Germany, that bathroom was pretty clean, even if it was a closet. So that's a bad example. But you get the idea. Point made, I guess.

In Full View

What do you do if you're on the first day at your new job, and your new boss walks in on you in the company's one bathroom? Well, if you're lucky like me, you smile, with your pants up, and say, "Hello!" While she makes a hasty retreat. And no one ever mentions the incident again.

Ditto for another job I had recently, where, again on the first day, I managed to walk in on someone else. That was reassuring. Luckily, my eyes saw nothing.

Bathrooms are, traditionally, a place of privacy. At least in my life. It's a good place to retreat for a good cry, to fix your hair, or just some time alone, even for a minute. Then there are the more obvious reasons. The ideal bathroom door has a lock on it, and if not, you really seriously hope that no one will walk in on you.

Then there are those who operate with more of an "open door" policy. I think, cross-generationally, or among family, maybe not such a great idea. But this seems to me acceptable in the right kind of romantic relationship. For example, the Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman interchange in Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut. (For other movie scenes involving toilets and bathrooms, go here.)


(Image from Dr. Strangelove)

Now it seems hotels - and some homeowners - are responding to the trend of open-door-bathroom-going. While also perhaps looking for new and innovative designs, many up-and-coming, trendy and expensive hotels are now installing see-through bathrooms. Forget the door. The walls are made of glass.


Makes you think, eh? Personally, I like the new designs, but I am not entirely certain I want to see people I love - no matter how much I love them - peeing in full view, with no option of closing a door. Or maybe I'm just not open-minded enough. I need to be paid more money to become that open-minded.