Detective Toilet Cam

I love Law & Order. Specifically, I like Law & Order SVU. It's not sketchy, I swear! Oh, and I write a blog about toilets - #$%@&! Crap. Well, whatever. It's not sketchy. But those two things are both, admittedly, potentially sketchy. And what do you get when you combine two potentially sketchy things that I like to do? *Magic*

Witness Exhibit A - Law & Order SVU: Year Five, Episode 25 (last episode). They really went out with a "bang" that year. I haven't even watched very far past the intro, and I had to stop and write this. So there won't be any spoilers. Unless you want to be surprised by the intro, in which case, STOP READING!!

The show begins with - and this is where the TP part comes in - a perp who installs a mini-cam into a public toilet. I know, I know, gross. Even I think it's gross. I am not here to commend the installation of waterproof cameras in public places where the sun don't shine. It's just not OK.

What I do commend, however, is the wanton use deadpan toilet puns in the script. For instance, the squad Captain calls the installer of the camera the "potty perp." And the intro, which often ends with a clever one-liner, did not disappoint. Since the high-tech gadget was a wireless transmitter, set up to stream the illicit video directly to someone's computer, Detective Stabler (Chris Meloni), observed that they would be looking for the "guy who downloaded the most crap."

Ah, writers of L&O SVU, I <3 you.

UPDATE: Of course, as you might expect, the entire episode becomes more sordid after that (if you can imagine). The potty-cam turns out to be just the entrée to the "real crime," and after about 10 minutes, we don't see that guy again. But it all starts with technology getting into the wrong place, as it were. So, not to inspire paranoia or anything, but if you do happen to be in a public bathroom and you see a miniature camera pointing at you, maybe try and find a different stall. Or at least be decent and cover the thing up.

That's our public service announcement for the day.

Thanks for listening!

Scary Paper

Speaking of Japan, here's a novel idea: print your toilet-based horror novel on a roll of toilet paper!

Japanese horror novelist Koji Suzuki is the author behind the story that eventually became the Hollywood blockbuster "The Ring." His latest novella, aptly titled "Drop" takes place in a public toilet whose bowl is possessed by an evil spirit.

Suzuki partnered with Hayashi Paper Corp. to have his story printed in blue (with spatters of red) on toilet paper rolls, instead of going the normal book-publisher route. {Just goes to show, I suppose, how much the publishing industry is truly in the toilet.}

What I love is that it solves so many problems at once. You get handy reading material for the bathroom. It's cheap (a roll will cost you just under $3, or £1.40), plus, you don't have to worry about what to do with the book, once you've read it.

And if you get scared reading about a possessed toilet bowl while you happened to be sitting on one, you can relax because you get to have the last laugh when you use it to wipe your bum. Only downside: may only be available in Japanese...for now!

{Photo courtesy of Telegraph UK/AP}

Drink up

Last year, Rus and Char helped me when I made a piece for the Exploratorium's 2nd Skin exhibit and fashion show. After the show, we took a walk around the Mind exhibit, where Rus took a drink from this toilet bowl fountain. Titled "a sip of conflict," the display asks us to question our visual judgment. The toilet bowl is totally clean, and yet...it's a toilet bowl. Not where you are accustomed to taking a drink. Unless of course, you are a cat.