Thursday, July 2, 2009

Moon Paper

When I first saw the opening page of this book on my friend's facebook page, with the subcaption, "Your inner grammar nazi may faint after reading this," I thought it was just a hilarious example of bad writing that made its way past a publisher.

But oh, it was so much more...

As I traveled to the Amazon page to find out what sort of publisher would print such a collection of words (Xlibris - beware!), I found some very amusing information. Perhaps more hilarious than the actual text of the book itself were the user "reviews." Out of 67 reviews, 53 people gave it a 5-star rating. Five people gave it 4 stars, and only 7 gave it one star.

One of those one-star reviewers pointed out that the first page of the book made it to Digg due to its hilariously painful use of grammar (or lack thereof). Many 5-star reviewers claim it is god-like or messianic in it's eschewing of traditional grammar principles.

So I know what you're thinking: What does this have to do with toilet paper? Read on. As I read through the reviews, which were just as bad as the writing in the book, I found this gem from a "J. Salmeron":

Reading this book made me realize two things:
1. There is a God.
2. The Author is his prophet.

Since I know how those 2 statements may sound a little incredible, let me ellaborate.
While feeding the homeless, I found that among the things they were going to use as toilet paper was this book. Since the cover attracted me, I decided that I should just remove the excrement stains and read it. That was probably my best excrement-related decission to date.
The homeless gathered around me as I told them the tales of the moon people, and as I showed them the incredibly detailed and realistic cover picture. Even the grumpy and erratic one (that we all call "cracky") joined in.
That day the homeless and I started a new religion ("The Moon's People Temple"), and we're planning to go to Guyana and start a new promised land ("Moonstown").
We shall prevail!

Aww. It almost makes me choke up. It's so beautiful!

(Note that the cylindrical spaceship resembles a toilet paper tube...)

Image courtesy of

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