Thursday, February 18, 2010

Sweet Dreams

Last night was a first. Not the first time that I've dreamed of toilets and bathrooms, but the first time I dreamed about *blogging* about toilets and bathrooms. So I'm going to write about it.

As I remember, in the dream, I found myself waiting in line multiple times in a ladies' room. Once it was at a wedding reception, and once at - I don't know what it was, I forget. Somewhere where there were a lot of people. Anyway, in both cases, I was waiting for inordinately long periods of time while groups of four or five girls would hang out and talk and put on makeup and check email on their phones all in one stall, while I was waiting there having to pee. I could see all this because there wasn't really a door on the stall, just kind of a curtain thingy. Plus, it was really just obvious.

So, for one of these (the wedding reception, I believe), I went in and told them what was up. I said that they had to actually pee, or clear out. And so they did. It was great. Badass bathroom confrontation.

And after that (in my dream), I thought to myself, "I really have to blog about this," i.e. the women in the stalls using their phones and whatnot. So here I am. I'm blogging about it. Except that it didn't happen in a real restroom that I can remember. But it might...

Monday, February 1, 2010

Modern Vomitorium

Here is the latest toilet post from the FAIL Blog, via Agent B, which stands for "Barfolomew" today.

As a urinal, this contraption is clearly FAIL. Either you'd have to have exceedingly long legs and a rather short torso, or you'd have to be a midget given to action spy adventure activity and prefer to take a whiz while grabbing onto handle bars with your feet half-way up the wall. Somehow I just don't see those two things requiring an entirely separate and otherwise useless device in a public restroom.

However, if this is indeed not a urinal but the modern equivalent of a vomitorium, then it is not an epic FAIL but an epic SUCCESS! Because it requires not that you get your face near some nasty toilet bowl, nor do you have to spew chunks down the sink, where it stops up the drain, and that is just nasty.

But what I'm wondering is, where would a bathroom have to be to require such a device, dedicated solely to the issuing of material from the front end, not the back end? A bar? A sports arena? A hospital? An office building? This place looks like a hotel. And even though I see handles on the wall, I don't see anything with which to hold back your hair. But I guess that's what friends are for...